Thoughts at 4 am.

I am thinking the following:

my friend is debbie downer. lol. not really, but she is in the know about drugs and disorders. so when i told her my rare thing, she said, oh, it isn't proven that vitamins help maintain your levels - gee thanks, that's really what i wanted to hear tonight, but on the other level, i am glad i heard it. it reminds me how this research/findings is still in its infant stages.

i'm thinking i am very thankful for my family. although they stress me out sometimes, i couldn't have thanked my mom more today for taking dd off my hands for 3 hours. i ran errands, went and visited my grandparents and got a pedicure - which was the most important part of my day.

i am very worried about the health of our unborn child. thank goodness the peri wants to see me 2 weeks early (in 2 weeks) for a level 2 ultrasound, or i might have gone nuts waiting an entire month. she is going to check for nerve damage/growth and for spina bifida - apparently a known side effect when the mother has MTHFR mutation.

that's all for now. other than i miss my dh, but that will be over soon as well.

i think i might lose it.

i found out i have a blood clotting disorder. It is rare and can be treated with vitamins. Now, I go onto worrying about my children and my extended family, mostly my parents. My parents and sister will get tested soon, and in november i will ask my ob at what age my children should get tested for this genetic disease. This breaks my heart, but explains a lot in my family in way of illnesses. I am just so sad. I am tired of being in doctors care and fearful for my unborn.


having dh away isn't helping matters much.

Colds stink, but they make me worry.

I feel like I am going through dejavu. When I was pg with E almost 2 years ago, I got a cold around this time of year. It didn't go away for over 2 months. Then I coughed, heard something pop in my chest and that is what spawned the multiple trips to ER and eventually the diagnosis of my cancer. So, long story short, this really freaks me out. Selfishly, I am praying that this cold doesn't go into my chest as I don't feel like hacking for months on end, but at the same time it brings back memories that really freak me out looking back on them. It is things like this that are making me turn into a germaphobe. I think I am afraid of getting sick. Maybe it is post-traumatic distress disorder - lol.

Other than being sick, dd is awesome, dh left but is in good spirits and can't wait to come back home.

Elvis has left the building.

hubby is gone for almost 2 mos. i am bummed, but know it is best for our family and financial situation. i made him *swear* that he will do whatever it takes to pass some geek exams and certs and get a new job with a new company to where he doesn't have to travel. hopefully he will listen.

poor lil girl cried her eyes out when he left at the airport. i feel bad for her, but she got to talk to him 3 times on the phone already, and is in a better mood.

we miss him already.

I am going incognito.

I am bummed. Seriously bummed. DH is leaving for awhile for work and my home based business is driving me to drink (oh wait, I am pg, so there won't be any of that) but it is seriously making me question how I do business and with whom I do business with. Things are going to change with the business, drastically. They have to because it isn't worth me worrying about for 1 whole week not to mention putting a friendship on the line and it definitely shouldn't make me second guess myself. The good thing is that I am comfortable with my decisions, how I have acted (both professionally and as a friend) and well, there isn't much else I can do. Other than sit here and worry and pray that this job will be over soon.


It is just sad. I haven't been this stressed in a long time and it shouldn't be this way. I think I am going to check out of my extended world for a bit until I can gain a better perspective on how I think things should be run and come up with concrete, non-negotiable pricing and lead times.

Sigh, it is going to be a long 2 months.

neighbors.

dear neighbors upstairs...FYI I am pregnant. This is your first and last warning. I am having a boy therefore I want to fight, so beware. DD got up at 4:00 am and didnt' go back to sleep today and only took a 10 min nap. Hubby is upset b/c I am not in bed w/him and why o why can I hear your stupid stereo through my quiet walls?!?!?

New Neighbors downstairs.....yes you moved into a condo and yes the grounds are cared for through your HOA fee. HOWEVER, your mother does not live here. If you are going to choose to smoke, DO NOT FREAKING LEAVE AND FLICK YOUR BUTTS AND 1/2 SMOKED CIGARETTES ON THE CEMENT WHERE OTHERS WALK. It is inconsiderate and trashy. Oh, and in case you missed the HUGE sign in our window and the HUGE sign in front of your place, we are trying to sell ours so we can get away from you. Any and all help is appreciated.

Don't get me wrong, I really do love living here, just.............getting..........a...bit..............................................CRAMPED...that's all.

Our Trip to FL.

My parents took the family on a trip to celebrate my 30th bday and me being 1 yr cancer free. Growing up we didn't take many trips, but my parents tried to do a huge trip about every 5 years. I was totally not expecting everything to be taken care of, but all in all we only spent $400.00. I was :shocked. My parents paid for the hotel, and they got some deal where lunch and dinner and a snack were included with the price of the hotel :wow. It was amazing. My mom made reservations this summer for our dinners at the world showcase countries and we had fabulous food! We went to epcot, MGM, Magic Kingdom, and the animal park. It was a LOT of walking for my pg butt, and it was about 90 degrees and 99% humidity the entire time we were there. I had some issues walking for some reason (I think my shoes sucked) but my numbness came back in my back (due to the chemo :() so my family made me rent a stupid wheelchair - which as my hubby put it - I am not pushing your a$$ around, so you are geting an electric cart! Um, I have to admit, that was kinda fun :D I did it for one day and it really helped out - the numbness subsided and then the last day that we were there I walked. I was actually shocked that I made it that long (physically speaking)

Our daughter LOVED the parks! It was such a joy watching her interact with the characters - which btw TONS were out!!! :) and she even got the hang of the 3D movies and wore the glasses! She just blew my mind last week. She started reaching for the images and then got mad and pulled the glasses off in anger and then was upset b/c the images weren't there anymore. It was kinda funny, but after the first time she left the glasses on and loved going to the shows! She even rode on the haunted mansion ride - we took advantage of her not having fears just yet :D She loved Dumbo, the Pooh play place and rode the merry-go-round 2 times in a row and threw a tantrum when we took her off of it.

All in all it was a wonderful trip we had a great week!

dear mother in law.

hi. we called you a week ago to tell you the sex of our baby. we then went on vacation and called you again last night. thank you for finally calling us this morning. we are glad you two are still alive.

i know that technically i am not a part of your family, but could you at least pretend that you care when we tell you information pertinent to your grandchildren? maybe a congratulations or we are excited for you or ?!?! something that is positive? like today, when i told you the sex of our baby and you didn't even say - cool, that's neat, wow, congrats, are you excited or anything of that sort. you actually just glanced over it and then talked down to me b/c my 19 mo old was transitioned into a bed and wasn't this summer (3 mos ago) when we visited you. thank you for your limited support. oh, and one last thing.....these comments make me less inclined to spend 1k to visit you for 3 days for xmas.