the return of morning sickess and a rant of sorts...

Ok. I think that both hubby and i have decided pregnancy isn't for me. last night i literally lost it - had a total break down (some of my chat board moms will appreciate this) OVER THE DISHES and LAUNDRY.

I am freaking out- we aren't ready for another one in this small space, the small space isn't anywhere near being ready to put back on the market, and hubby is starting his new job (along with working full time for his old one) for the next two weeks. I won't see him at all.

Now, to compound things a bit, my morning sickness is returning. Not that I ever had it really bad, but I :puke fri night (in the middle of the night!!) and then woke up with the same feelings last night and this morning. And now all the sudden, having him work 70-80 hours this week isn't looking so good to me. I think that my mom is going to get solicited for help this week. I know that she won't mind, but I already sent her an email giving her the 'heads up' that her services are needed :giggle.

And I am not looking forward to my OB visit tomorrow. We are scheduling our csection tomorrow and i am sorta wierded out by this. And I have a list of questions for the OB, and if she can't answer them, or answers them like a drone, then I may just lose it.

Chant with me everyone....:lol
(five more weeks, five more weeks...)

I am bored, therefore I must blog.

So, hubby made a comment today at TRU - I said, "I am kinda getting excited to have a little one around again" and he said, "Enjoy it it's our last one"

hmm....funny. We have not talked about this yet...

I am torn on the issue. This pregnancy has done me in. I am so uncomfortable, in constant pain, NOT sleeping AT ALL and just generally pissing him off - so maybe that's where the comment came from. Who knows. But like today, they are both sleeping, and what am I doing? bloggin b/c I can't go to sleep. and I was up 1/2 the night. Tylenol PM is lookin' GREAT for tonight.

On a lighter note, he got a new job (thank freakin' god) and he will NOT be traveling anymore. I can't begin to tell you how happy i am to know that he will be around all of the time. Now, he might be working longer hours, but he will be HERE w/in 45 min driving distance of home. Now THAT'S priceless.

I have been a bad mom lately and have let dd sleep with me at night b/c either she comes in when i am dead asleep (and since sleep is so rare) I just snuggle up with her.

Ok, the natives are restless :)

our world right now.

my child is sick. isn't sleeping and then wakes up this morning asking for medicine!

my hubby is crabby, stressed and withdrawn. (sigh) i hate these phases.

and i have decided that i am done with this pregnancy. (warning - i am having a bad pregnant week)

potty training

We finally found something that works!!! E's love of chocolate milk and potty training - you don't get any unless you pee in the potty! lol. Um, she went w/in 5 min of having our conversation. Silly lady!

Do you believe in signs?

Someone posted this on a chat board that I am on. I have a long story about signs, and it was too much to post there, but here goes.

Actually, there have been MANY signs the entire past 6 years and this might get long and sappy :D. Hubby and I had a friend introduce us at work, and things were weird, but we really got along. Well, we kept running into each other and then started hanging out. Well....I didn't really know he was 'the one' until one night when I was supposed to go meet up with a guy that I was seeing. I made it 1/2 way there, and he was at a bar and I had no clue how to get there. So I called him, he gave me quick directions in a part of town that I don't know (which is rare around here) and then when I called him back in 10 min, he didn't answer. I called 3 times, and then just decided to drive to boulder from lowry AFB area to see my now hubby - that night, he was soo excited to see me, we went out and got ice cream from the store and went up a mountain to eat it and star gaze.. :euph I was supposed to not find the place :)

Then a week later, we were at a party and ended up staying up all night long talking. ..... we then kinda moved in together and that's how it all started with the marriage.

From here on out, EVERYTHING just fell into place - and I believe that this is/was our sign.

I believe now that he was put in my life for a reason. Once we got engaged, and I literally mean like the next week, I started getting hives for no apparent reason. From the engagement, through the wedding, I had seen numerous doctors. You can even see in some wedding pics late at night where I broke out in hives. Someone at the hotel we stayed at our wedding night OFFERED to go purchase me some benedryl b/c, "I didn't need to go anywhere on my wedding night" how freakin' sweet was that?!?

Between the wedding and when I got pg, I started having breathing problems. Went to the dr's numerous times only to be told I have allergies, asthma, whatever else they thought was common for a 28 yr old.

Anyway, we decided to try to get pg, and on our first month did. I really started having more severe breathing symptoms while pg. I caught a cold and couldn't get rid of it for like 2 mos. During this time, hubby was traveling, and then the day after he came home early (1 week early) to surprise me, I coughed and dislodged a blood clot. Spent a ton of time in the hospital and then my OB (my freakin' OB) recommended getting a chest xray to see what was going on. At 6 mos pregnant, the cancer tumor was found. HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR ME GETTING PREGNANT, WE MAY NOT HAVE FOUND THIS FOR MUCH LONGER.

I had a hard pregnancy, and E came early - which was weird for your first - but she broke my water 3 weeks early. I couldn't bf, it literally took 8 hands to do so. I couldn't keep my milk supply and remembered that I needed to go get that 'thing' in my chest checked out, so I weaned E and went to the pulmonologist - when E was 2 mos old, I had a biopsy and found out that I had hodgkin's lymphoma.

From this time on, things were weird. My mom quit her full time job just 2 weeks before my diagnosis – she just had a feeling that she had to quit. I was diagnosed, had my port put in and started chemo and had to make decisions about fertility and storing eggs all within 1 month.

I started chemo. My baby was 2 mos old, my hubby stressed, and my mom with no job and willing to help anyway she could to take care of all of us.

This, however, is the hugest sign that my life was going in the right direction. My hubby stepped up to the plate. Cooked, cleaned, took care of bills and worried about everything. For anyone who knows my hubby he is the most LAID BACK person ever. This new personality didn’t fit the bill, but he totally took over for me. As for my baby girl, it was like she knew. Our days consisted of hubby getting up at 5:30 am when E did and bringing her to bed with us and bringing in a bottle. Sometimes he would feed, but mostly he would just go get her so I could stay laying down. He would get ready for work and most of the time she would be sleeping by the time he was done. If so, he would take her back to her bed if I was good for the day. If I wasn’t doing good, then he would leave her in the bed so I didn’t have to get up and pick her up and then he would go to work. If I was having a bad day, he would call my mom at 7 am and she would come over early. If I wasn’t, she would normally come over at 9.

She would take care of the baby and bring her in to me to take naps. When E was sleeping with me, she would wake up and glance at me to see if I was awake. If I was, she would wake up. If I wasn’t, she would go back to sleep. It was truly amazing. She wasn’t a fussy baby, she put herself on a solid/predictable schedule and totally stuck to it. She found my port in my chest almost immediately. She would lay in my arms while I fed her and with her outer hand would put it directly over my port. As if she was healing it. To this day she sees my scars and says ‘Mommy owie” and kisses my scars on my chest.

From here on, the chemo went smooth, radiation went smooth and FF to today, I am 1.5 years out and cancer free. We decided to try again around my 1 year anniversary and again, try once, get pg. J we are expecting our 2nd. Things have gone smoothly and we are just feeling so blessed.

But....if it weren't for all my life's experiences in the past few years, my life could have been a lot different now. I am truly blessed with my family and child (soon to be children)

:)

When it rains...

I am so bummed today. My mom just called at 7:30 this morning. Now, my entire familiy knows not to call between 1-3 pm (E's nap time - and lately mine too) and before 9 am. LOL. However, call me at midnight and I will talk to you until the cows come home (thank you insomnia)

Anyway, I digress. The one thing about having a huge family that is getting older is that they pass on. Another Uncle passed today. So sad. My great-aunt passed a month ago and that was a freak accident (she drove into the back of a bus) but my great uncle had alzheimers and, much like cancer, this was a blessing in disguise. My great aunt and her daughter (whom lives with them) haven't gotten much sleep in the past 6 months. My uncle 'left the building' about a year ago anyway, and my cousin prayed daily that when they woke up he would be in peace. ((cry)) It is just sad. I remember in gradeschool through high school where there was like a 7 year span where one person died per year. It is sad to see your family diminishing, but then happy on the other hand that two of us are preggo. Such mixed feelings, and yet so sad to deal with.

going out?

hubby and i decided that we need to go out more as a family and separately. soo...last night we went to a friends house and had a wonderful time!! E played with the other kids, we chatted with the adults, it was so freakin' nice. i can finally sit on a chair w/o going into convulsions, so this is good :) lol

then, today hubby went snowmobiling with a friend and e and i are at home. she has had a snot nose in her sinuses for a week, and we couldn't get it out, so we resorted to drugs, and the poor thing with a 1/2 does is just so lathargic, but that will come in handy when i am cleaning out her room today! :)

we are getting our house ready, it is a painful process - one...........freakin'..........room......at...a......time... what a process. I can't bend as well as I used to, so things are coming along a bit slower than we would like. But E has been mommy's lil helper lately - helping me with the laundry, folding, putting her clothes in her hamper - i am so proud of her!

Anyway, that's all that's going on here. Hope my cyberworld is doing well!

are we nuts?

we have decided to take over a chatboard that i am on frequently, and the current owner wants to spend more time on herself and her family. there are over 500 members on this site and the site really is cool - great for networking for meeting other moms in the area. very very nice resource!!

anyway, we might be nuts, but hey...we will see how things go. i don't expect them to be bad, just time consuming and that is ok it will keep my brain going! :)

wish us luck.

late night blogger

lol - i seem to only have time and energy at night. I am hoping that this isn't a sign that my peanut will only be up at night, but I guess we can all adjust.

I bought a belly band today at BRU. My belly is too big for my body and hurting my ribs b/c it is hanging so far down. I just giggle whenever I think of this, but my belly goes into spasms whenever I am up and walking and this thing is a MIRACLE. It totally holds up my baby belly. I LOVE IT.

I know I post a lot about my husband rocking, but sheesh, he really really really does rock. He is so taking care of me and lil E and I am just so dang lucky. Tonight/today he put the xmas tree in the box, hung shelves in our bedroom, cooked dinner (it was pancakes, but exactly what both E and I wanted) and then I offered to clean up and he said, 'no, you go lay down and take it easy' and he TOTALLY cleaned the kitchen and it is spotless (minus my fruit craving mess, but i will take care of that before i go to bed). He is amazing.

My bum surgery is going well and I am recovering from it. I still hurt, and have to be on some pain meds during the day, but I take a 1/2 dose and it takes the edge off so that I can do things around the house. I don't like taking drugs, especially when pregnant, but if I don't then I am sick to my stomach all day long and I am no good to anyone.

The condo next door sold. It sold for 2k under what he asked, so I have hopes that ours will eventually sell too. I am working on our bedroom tomorrow and then hubby will come home and we will finish E's room and then hopefully everything will just fall into place and we can get this bad johnson back on the market.

However, we got our energy bill today. I am shocked at the fact that it rose over $70.00 from normal. I am upset. Well, not really upset, but seriously thinking that I need to kick something into high gear and start making a bit extra money on the side to be able to cope with the rising costs of living here. I know it is nowhere near what it is in california (hence why we don't live there) but still, things are rising at an alarming, non-predictable rate and we need to have the flexibility to cope. Thankfully we are not spent and do have money to pay the extras, but something has to suffer and it will be our extra curricular lives that will. For awhile that is ok, but as the kids become older and more active they will cost more :) So we are just trying to plan for that.

Anyhoo...just some ramblings for a late sunday night.

It's late, and I am up.

Crap. Insomnia late in pregnancy sucks. :)

I have the best husband EVER. I have never seen such a strong person from such a laid back personality. He has been my rock many times this past year -heck since I have met him - and I only hope that I return the favor. I love him to death. When I am not feeling well, he just takes over. He is absolutely amazing and I love him with all my heart.

My lil one, seeing the world through her eyes, is cracking me up. She wouldn't let me get up the other day b/c I hurt from my surgery. She would run to my aid and ask me if she could help me. I told her that I had to go potty and she said ok, hand mommy - and tried to help me up lol. So then she followed me to the bathroom and stood in front of me. Clapped when I peed, and said, "yeah mommie. big girl." and held her hand out for me to give her five. If you EVER want to know what you look like to your child, just observe them for 10 min :) throwing a party in the potty must be a big deal to her right now. I have never laughed so hard.

I just can't beleive that such a large amount of compassion and love comes in such a small package. You can't teach a toddler to be that compassionate - it must be in her blood because she was like this when I was going through chemo, only in a bit of a different way. It is hard to explain, she would roll over and open her eyes when we were napping together to make sure I was ok. When we got in a car accident, she woke up, hugged me and comforted me while I cried. She is an amazing person and wonderful child.

I am truly lucky and blessed.

Feeling much better!

Thank goodness time heals all wounds! :)

My surgery went well on 12/31, I was back in my room 15 min before midnight, the nurse left right before midnight, so we had a lil kiss to welcome in the new year. It was perfect.

We seem to have a lot of resolutions on our hands. Maybe not resolutions, but goals that we want to attain. The first is to sell our condo. I guess the following are my goals for this year.

1 - sell our place
2 - finish a healthy pregnancy
3 - get my business officially launched
- website
- marketing tools
- book more in-home shows
4 - loose weight after baby - i want to be down 10 lbs under pre-pregnancy weight by my birthday in august (that gives me 5 months)

So far that's it, but we will see :)

I hope that everyone had a wonderful new years eve!