thank you chuck-E-Germ.

ugh. Thanks chuck e cheese for the lovely crap you gave my toddler that spread to my infant, hubby and now me. My throat feels like someone is contantly strangling me.

Thank you for also reminding me why we don't frequent your establishment.

my kiddo's rooms.

i have decided that i am sad b/c my kids never got a 'good' room. Let's rephrase that - they ahvea good room, a bed, dresser, toys, etc. but it was never color coordinated or painted. it wasn't a nursery. i am sad about this. we don't want to do anything to their room b/c we really want to sell the house, but in the meantime, the room looks blank.

omg - just typing here and then looked at the kids on my bed and my toddler just picked up my infant. omg - she is trying to hold him like we hold him. it's a good thing I don't freak easy.

Anyway, I don't have many regrets in life - but for some reason this is nagging at me. Who knows. I am just being nuts.

Maybe if I get curtains hung and a bed skirt that I love, things will be good.

I nearly jumped out of my skin.

well, it's official. for the next while i need to NOT go to eat with my mom.

we were at dinner the other night and I ate my 1/2 of my 1/2 order of pasta and my meatball, along with the salad and one piece of bread. Not bad as I only ate a sandwich that day (I know, I know, weight watchers says to eat more often...) anyway, I reached for a few pieces of pepperoni off of my daughters plate, and she GLARED at me and said - those points are NOT on your diet.

I was speachless. I mean, one, mind your own damn business. And two - um, last time I checked, on weight watchers, you can eat ANYTHING and that's why I chose this plan.

THEN - get this! Earlier that day, she tells me that the reason why I can't lose weight is because I am not doing WW right - that I don't count all my points, and that I am a stress eater like her - UM NO. When I am stressed, I don't eat. When I am depressed, I don't eat. That's the problem - and BTW, I had CHEMO. A HUGE issue in this equation as chemo slows your body's metabolism - and my metabolism already sucked.

So, after she said that comment at the restaurant, I must have jumped out of my skin and screamed at her, b/c right after I looked up, she apologized and said, I know, I know bug off - and I said No - you need to take care of yourself first before you start counting points and watching what other people eat.

I was sooo pissed, and yes, that was a mean comment, but that is the last PC/passive aggressive comment I will give her to butt the fuck out. The next time it will be BLUNT and NOT nice.

I love noodles...

not for children's eyes....

but LMAO!!


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

FINALLY - an update on my back.

Well, I have a buldging disc. WHIC HIS GREAT NEWS.
BAD - it takes TIME to heal
GOOD - no surgery and it should go away on it's own.

So - few on that subject. On a side note, I am freaking out now - b/c in the MRI, they found a cyst in my pelvis.

With my medical history, ANY cyst freaks the hell out of me. She said that she wnated me to get medical notes on my pregnancy to her, and i told her that I will still do that, but with my cancer history that i would just prefer to do a diagnostic test of an ultrasound to affirm the cyst and it's properties. she agreed. so - another diagnostic test - to the tune of a $100 copay - thank you hubby's insurance. Ugh - why must this stress exist?

Speaking of stress, i have no help with 15lb'er and 35 lb'er today so my back is killing me. Lil man is FREAKING out b/c it hurts me to hold him, so he is in the swing screaming like hell, and the lil princess?!?! Well, let's just say that in the short few hours she has been awake, she has managed to let me know that she is extremely mad at me - for what I don't know, but she is having a day. :(

My friend is pregnant!!!

I AM SOOO EXCITED FOR HER. She is a lurker on the mom's site I go to, but I have known her for almost 10 years (We went to college together) she has a girl that is 6 mos older than E and now she will have another one that is 1 year younger than mine.

CONGRATS MY DAHLING!!!

I threw my back out.

nice.

stupid back.

even dumber narcotics as they make me sick.

When do you draw the line between life and death?

So when do you do it? I was directly involved in a decision regarding my grandpa years ago. It BEYOND SUCKED. We, as a family, had to interpret his living will.

I couldn't imagine having to do this for MY child. [B][SIZE=5]I can't imagine what Kaylen's parents are going through, nor what my repsonse would be for my child. AND this is in no way against their decision of what they are going to do, just a thought on what I would probably do.[/SIZE][/B] Just wanted to make that clear as my heart, thoughts and prayers are with them daily.

I wanted to go into the medical field as a youngin in my 20's, but then my life's path took me a different route - so I understand medical lingo and then I ended up in a medical technology company where I worked side-by-side with some GREAT, very well know, doctors and nurses in different field specialties.

But should something catastrophic happen to my child, I am not sure that I could have the faith that he/she would return to me. My hubby and I both agree that if neither of us can breathe on our own and we are a veggie, that we are to pull the plug. And we have decided the same for our children. I know stress and other issues will come into play, but that is what we have decided - that our children should have a quality of life and feeding ones child through a tube, and caring for their EVERY BASIC NEED is not the quality of life we want for them. And, as I have learned, a living will is not the COMPLETE answer - there are so many loop holes and then your emotions come into play.

hmm...something to ponder. and my love goes to kaylens parents - they are going to try to bring her home and I commend them for doing what is right for their family.

My disc is going out?!?!

OMG. Those are the worst words to hear when you depend on your computer.

My disc is going out in my laptop - apparently why I couldn't get to ANYTHING there. I am literally sick to my stomach. I mean, um..my entire life and photos are on my laptop.

I just want to cry. Hubby is triaging and trying to revive it, but I am afraid for the worst.

And a memo to the FREAKS in this world...

DO NOT approach me at a store to tell me how you breastfed your baby and she was a chunk by 2 mos old and at 5 mos is almost 25lbs. Ms all white clothing wearing, broken glasses FREAK. And don't get close to my baby or my little girl, I REALLY don't know where your skanky ass has been and don't want you remotely close to my kids.

thank you.

I am not June Cleaver.

I am upset our condo isn't up for sale. Eh, I just can't get it done. And I am not june cleaver. Never have been ,never will be.

I am upset still about my friend with the photos - not at her, but my sadness keeps growing. I don't know what to do other than to supress my sadness about my friend. Today we went and saw her, and i offered up my background to her and contemplated telling her I would take a photo that she could use as a present, and I didn't, but she let me know that the person taht took her preggo pics will be taking newborn photos of her baby.

I don't know why I am so upset about this. Maybe b/c I thought that we were close. Who knows, but I need to grow up and just 'forget' everything that happened.

I am not June Cleaver.

I am upset our condo isn't up for sale. Eh, I just can't get it done. And I am not june cleaver. Never have been ,never will be.

I am upset still about my friend with the photos - not at her, but my sadness keeps growing. I don't know what to do other than to supress my sadness about my friend. Today we went and saw her, and i offered up my background to her and contemplated telling her I would take a photo that she could use as a present, and I didn't, but she let me know that the person taht took her preggo pics will be taking newborn photos of her baby.

I don't know why I am so upset about this. Maybe b/c I thought that we were close. Who knows, but I need to grow up and just 'forget' everything that happened.

random thoughts

why are some things so hard to learn?
how come folded clothes can't seem to make it in their rightful place?
and for that matter, how come dirty clothes land 1 inch away from the hamper?!?!
how long is this rain going to last, i don't mind the cold, just the rain.
And, I had a REALLY deep thought earlier today, which sparked the idea for this post, but damn it, chemo brain coupled with giving birth, yet again to my brains, has left me empty headed about what was really troubling me this afternoon.

FOUND IT!!

Posted on 7/3/06 to my other blog about my weight loss, rather than to this one:

I have learned a valuable lesson this week - RL and online friendships don't mix.I was asked by my friend to take her pregnancy photos - I agreed and told her that she will need to tell me when she wants them done because on the pregnant woman can decide that :) But I called her once a week for the past three weeks to tell her to let me know when she wants to do something. Well......she never called. I assumed she didn't want me taking them or she didn't want them, which I was totally okay with. I didn't even mind that she might have been considering someone else to take the photos, as well, that's a persons choice.I thought i was close to this person, or at least close enough that if she was going to publically (on a message board) take another photographer up on an offer to take photos I thought she would have at least told me first - that she didn't want to use me.I am very hurt. I read online that she wnated her to do them, and then today she posted them. I am so sad right now. You don't ask someone to do something for you and then not contact them and go use someone else in an online forum where I can read it. I would have thought she would have just at least told me that she didn't want to use me. I know, to some this may seem petty, and i am not upset about the photography, as I think the person that did her photos a) is an amazing photographer and b) took GREAT shots of her, but I am upset that I had to find out about this online and not in person or over the phone or hell, even in an IM.My heart is heavy. And then whilst at my parents cabin this weekend, got me thinking.....are there really that good of friends out there anymore? I know I have my faults, but can you really meet people online and have great relationships with them? I am not a 100% online person, I like the occassional phone call and outing and not just sitting online on IM all day talking with someone. This entire thing is 1/2 my fault, but I am so sad now, and when things like this happen, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

somethin' wacky is goin' on...

I swear to god that i have posted more than just what is on here - about my grandma, things in our life, etc. and i am pissed to come on here and find out that there isn't anything on here. crapola.

Well, here's a good story for y'all:

So we were at the peditricians this morning b/c my daughter has a mystery rash. Well, they gave her a shot of penicillian and took her off the amoxicillian, and we were waiting for 20 min to make sure she didnt' have a reaction when all the sudden BOOM the building shook, VERY LOUD NOISE. They were all freaked, and then the fire alarm went off - so we gathered very quickly and got the heck out. Via the stairs. From the 3rd floor . The nurse was SUPER SUPER nice and helped us out. Apparently an old lady jumped the median between the parking lot and the building just south of the med ctr and ran into the building the workers all rushed to her attention, two women pryed the car open and began CPR as the woman didn't have a pulse., and and OMG - too much adrenaline for one day.

I am a shit magnet. I know I posted about the shooting that I witnessed, but man..um, I have no clue where it went. We have a virus on our laptop and maybe the virus ate my posts - I swear to god that I have posted WAY more often than the last post on here... oh well...i promise i will try to find them.